paninvmuthafuckinass!
17th June 2007, 06:46 PM
A guide to necrophilia
Written by paininvmuthafuckinass AKA slim-ov-derby
I originally did this as a joke and to offend members on RottenEggs, but most of them found it funny. You can either use this as a serious guide or look at it as a joke (depending on your humour)
Necrophilia is lyk totaly kewl dawg ;) all the pimps are doing it...look:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/manson1996/notmypic.jpg
(that ain?t my pic btw)
Now with that said I?ll also tell you it?s not legal everywhere, so what are you virgins/guys waiting for, get fucking!
Why would you want to fuck a corpse?
Well it?s simple to answer that question with many reasons.She?s pre lubricated
Geeks don?t have to worry about getting rejected
It can feel awesomely refreshing sticking your sweaty dick into a cold pussy on a summer day or night
Cos it?s lyk towtaly hawt!!!11!!
Your GF/wife might have recently died and your finding it hard to cope or you still share "the bond"
Ok now with that said here?s some precautions you should take:Always wear a condom (Even 2 is recommended) unless you want maggots eating your cock away
Never butt fuck the dead; unless it?s decomposed it could get messy
Never get caught; no matter how legal it is in your country/state because people still look down on necrophilia and will literally butt fuck you when you get thrown in the slammer
It?s recommended you do it in a morgue and before they are embalmed, but you can do it in the graveyard aswell
Ok here is how you do it:
In the morgue
Now this is better because it?s cooler, harder to get caught (ignore the primary pic), and like mentioned they haven?t been embalmed (ebawlment bwaddd 4 human)
You haven?t really got alot to do here except pull her out, use a tiny bit of vaseline for extra stimulation for you so it?s not as dry on theinside of the pussy, put on your rubbers, and then fuck away.
Graveyard
This is alot harder to do and here is some advice you should know first:
A rough way to tell whether your corpse is fresh or not is by looking at the flowers whether they?re fresh or not and also the mound on the grave, and if the gravestone is new (you should know which ones are new in, if your a necro and are always in the graveyard)
Now obviously you should have a shovel(and more gardening equipment if the ground is hard, but try not to bring so much stuff) to dig into the ground and once you get to her coffin if it?s too hard to open then you can force it open with a crowbar to get to your "partner".
Now it?s not recommended that you fuck in the grave because it can get uncomfortable and it?s not ideal if your in a hurry. the best thing to do is to take the corpse out of the grave and into a bush, or even your car or home; but be gentle unless you want your partners head or arm to roll off. But if you need to be quicker then it?s ideal to rip a limb off to make the body lighter and make for quicker transport of the body.
Now you have got her where ever the fuck you want you will want to undress her and spread her legs apart to make it easier and wrap her arms around your back/body (all of these body parts will stay in the same position and stiff because she?s dead) and now you just take all the precautions I said in the morgue part and either go slowly or pump away. For a blow job you lube up her mouth but it?s not as great as live sex because there?s no tongue stimulation so this is optional.
Another thing you can do is just fuck a skeleton raw if it hasn?t turned to dust, but I?d imagine it?d be rough even with lube.
Once your done put your partner back in the grave if you took her out and start shovelling the dirt back in, or if you haven?t got time just shovel the dirt back in and keep the body and take it home ;)
I hope you guys have fun and don't end up like this guy:
http://image.rotteneggs.com/r3/cache_images/23/238183.jpg
Written by paininvmuthafuckinass AKA slim-ov-derby
I originally did this as a joke and to offend members on RottenEggs, but most of them found it funny. You can either use this as a serious guide or look at it as a joke (depending on your humour)
Necrophilia is lyk totaly kewl dawg ;) all the pimps are doing it...look:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/manson1996/notmypic.jpg
(that ain?t my pic btw)
Now with that said I?ll also tell you it?s not legal everywhere, so what are you virgins/guys waiting for, get fucking!
Why would you want to fuck a corpse?
Well it?s simple to answer that question with many reasons.She?s pre lubricated
Geeks don?t have to worry about getting rejected
It can feel awesomely refreshing sticking your sweaty dick into a cold pussy on a summer day or night
Cos it?s lyk towtaly hawt!!!11!!
Your GF/wife might have recently died and your finding it hard to cope or you still share "the bond"
Ok now with that said here?s some precautions you should take:Always wear a condom (Even 2 is recommended) unless you want maggots eating your cock away
Never butt fuck the dead; unless it?s decomposed it could get messy
Never get caught; no matter how legal it is in your country/state because people still look down on necrophilia and will literally butt fuck you when you get thrown in the slammer
It?s recommended you do it in a morgue and before they are embalmed, but you can do it in the graveyard aswell
Ok here is how you do it:
In the morgue
Now this is better because it?s cooler, harder to get caught (ignore the primary pic), and like mentioned they haven?t been embalmed (ebawlment bwaddd 4 human)
You haven?t really got alot to do here except pull her out, use a tiny bit of vaseline for extra stimulation for you so it?s not as dry on theinside of the pussy, put on your rubbers, and then fuck away.
Graveyard
This is alot harder to do and here is some advice you should know first:
A rough way to tell whether your corpse is fresh or not is by looking at the flowers whether they?re fresh or not and also the mound on the grave, and if the gravestone is new (you should know which ones are new in, if your a necro and are always in the graveyard)
Now obviously you should have a shovel(and more gardening equipment if the ground is hard, but try not to bring so much stuff) to dig into the ground and once you get to her coffin if it?s too hard to open then you can force it open with a crowbar to get to your "partner".
Now it?s not recommended that you fuck in the grave because it can get uncomfortable and it?s not ideal if your in a hurry. the best thing to do is to take the corpse out of the grave and into a bush, or even your car or home; but be gentle unless you want your partners head or arm to roll off. But if you need to be quicker then it?s ideal to rip a limb off to make the body lighter and make for quicker transport of the body.
Now you have got her where ever the fuck you want you will want to undress her and spread her legs apart to make it easier and wrap her arms around your back/body (all of these body parts will stay in the same position and stiff because she?s dead) and now you just take all the precautions I said in the morgue part and either go slowly or pump away. For a blow job you lube up her mouth but it?s not as great as live sex because there?s no tongue stimulation so this is optional.
Another thing you can do is just fuck a skeleton raw if it hasn?t turned to dust, but I?d imagine it?d be rough even with lube.
Once your done put your partner back in the grave if you took her out and start shovelling the dirt back in, or if you haven?t got time just shovel the dirt back in and keep the body and take it home ;)
I hope you guys have fun and don't end up like this guy:
http://image.rotteneggs.com/r3/cache_images/23/238183.jpg