paninvmuthafuckinass!
17th June 2007, 06:47 PM
A guide to zoophilia
Written by paininvmuthafuckinass AKA slim-ov-derby
Note this guide can either be taken as humour or a serious guide you can use...depends on your views of zoophilia and your sense of humour.
Intro
Well I noticed that my last guide on necrophilia offended a few people on RottenEggs; well good because that was my aim. I?m going to offend a few more people by doing a guide on zoophilia, better known as bestiality.
Since you can fuck almost any animal it?d take too long to do a majority of them, so I?m only going to do this guide for mares and cows.
Why would you want to fuck a mareThey are warm, but not as warm as a human so it?s great for in the summer when it can get sweaty
They are great to eat out because they have a sweet taste and smell to it, unlike most animals. Kinda like a no taste but with a tint of hay...hard to explain
You can eat out their assholes and it won?t smell or be as disgusting as other animals because only the vegetarian animals such as cows have really smelly shit and shit loads
They are more classy and better to fuck...all in all great sex xD
Why would you want to fuck a cowThey are huge ass motherfuckers and are great for butt fucking
Cows produce a lot of smegma (more than horses) and the taste and smell is sometimes a huge turn on depending if your in the mood
They have alot of fat, so they are nice and warm, and it feels great when your fucking her
Getting to the animal
If you have the animal yourself this is going to be easy, just lock the stable/barn/bedroom door and close the curtain or if you work at a farm, ranch, dog centre or veterinarian. But for those unfortunate who don?t have access to these animals (horse and cow) your going to have to do some fence hopping which involves trespassing in the night or day and doing the deed, or in the day in a HUGE open space field where no one?s around and your away from all roads, motorways etc. I recommend reading my night ops guide so you have less chance of getting caught. You need to be careful when fence hopping not just for the owners with the shotguns, but always wear a condom, because you don?t know what other zoophiles have had sex with the animal (they may have had an STD)
Sex with a mare
Now mares are usually soft and gentle animals so you must treat them the same way.
It?s best to find a smaller one so you don?t need to kneel or stand on a bucket or whatever to fuck her.
Stroke and scratch around the ears 1st to start off getting the bond closer together, and so she knows she can trust you. Let her get used to your smell, and continue to stroke her and gradually moving down the body and towards the end near her ass. Now start stroking her ass cheeks and her thighs, once you have got her relaxed you can start to rub her cunt. You know when she?s excited when she raises her tail or her pussy is winking. Now get hold of both her ankles with your hands and start to lick up and down her uterus lips, and get your tongue inside there and lick out the inside and kiss the lips and the inside of her lips and while finishing the kissing slip your lips off the entire cunt and go back to licking or just some outside kissing. Your can rub your nose, face slowly in her cunt to get more turned on or get used to her smell more. You should try to finger her clit (if you can find it) while your at it aswell. After a while her love juices should start dripping over your face (oooo the feeling is so great)
There?s also a part near where the tail starts to come out of her body which is a stimulating feeling for them, so use your imagination.
For fingering it?s just the same as in my normal sex tips guide, except if she?s in heat her pussy will be really loose and it?s possible to get your whole arm inside there (depending on the size of the horse you chose) to give her maximum pleasure.
Ease one finger in and then 2 and then 3 the more she loosens up; so that she?s ready and loose enough to fuck.
Now if you fence hopped or are sharing your beauty then slip on a condom. Not ribbed though or
your going to get kicked in your balls; and if you?ve been kicked by a horse you know it hurts, so imagine in the balls...exactly!
Now you should be slowly starting to get up to fuck her, so now you should be hard enough, and you should open her lips up with your fingers, or your tongue if you want another taste and then grab round her body or thighs and stick your dick up her cunt. Put her tail over your shoulder so it?s still not in the way (even though it?s raised) and your not getting shit that?s in her tail on yourself. Now your dick is inside her you should let her get used to the feeling and you should get used to the feeling of it inside. Now you should be thrusting like I said in my sex tips guide and thrusting your pelvis into her thighs and ass, so it feels more rough and your getting it up her even further. Now you can either let your juices flow inside her or you can pull out slowly and squirt it in her as for lubrication for you to fuck that later.
Not many animals like butt fucking (besides cows because they have huge loose ass holes) so be gentle with your finger, don?t shove it in all the way, and let her loosen up herself, don?t try to do it or you?ll spoil the mood. Now stick your dick in there and do the same.
You can do many other things such as fuck her up the nose, but I won?t go into detail about that, do some research yourself.
Here?s a totally unnecessary but at the same time it is picture:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/manson1996/gjfhjhj.gif
Fucking cows
There?s not alot I can tell you on this which you COULD apply from the advice on the mare.
You will defintly need something to stand on like a bucket or a box or whatever.
Dairy cows
Extra for cows is they have milk you can drink without worrying about getting any diseases. For the udders you should start licking the tips of them really fast and kiss the tips of them, and start sucking on them and lead off the suck into a kiss
Well that?s all I can be arsed to type in this guide so there you go, have fun
P.S if your too much of a pussy to fuck a corpse then it?s a tiny bit understandable; but if your too pussy to fuck an animal then I suggest getting a sex change as you?d be more suited to a female so you can act like that and not be homo.
Written by paininvmuthafuckinass AKA slim-ov-derby
Note this guide can either be taken as humour or a serious guide you can use...depends on your views of zoophilia and your sense of humour.
Intro
Well I noticed that my last guide on necrophilia offended a few people on RottenEggs; well good because that was my aim. I?m going to offend a few more people by doing a guide on zoophilia, better known as bestiality.
Since you can fuck almost any animal it?d take too long to do a majority of them, so I?m only going to do this guide for mares and cows.
Why would you want to fuck a mareThey are warm, but not as warm as a human so it?s great for in the summer when it can get sweaty
They are great to eat out because they have a sweet taste and smell to it, unlike most animals. Kinda like a no taste but with a tint of hay...hard to explain
You can eat out their assholes and it won?t smell or be as disgusting as other animals because only the vegetarian animals such as cows have really smelly shit and shit loads
They are more classy and better to fuck...all in all great sex xD
Why would you want to fuck a cowThey are huge ass motherfuckers and are great for butt fucking
Cows produce a lot of smegma (more than horses) and the taste and smell is sometimes a huge turn on depending if your in the mood
They have alot of fat, so they are nice and warm, and it feels great when your fucking her
Getting to the animal
If you have the animal yourself this is going to be easy, just lock the stable/barn/bedroom door and close the curtain or if you work at a farm, ranch, dog centre or veterinarian. But for those unfortunate who don?t have access to these animals (horse and cow) your going to have to do some fence hopping which involves trespassing in the night or day and doing the deed, or in the day in a HUGE open space field where no one?s around and your away from all roads, motorways etc. I recommend reading my night ops guide so you have less chance of getting caught. You need to be careful when fence hopping not just for the owners with the shotguns, but always wear a condom, because you don?t know what other zoophiles have had sex with the animal (they may have had an STD)
Sex with a mare
Now mares are usually soft and gentle animals so you must treat them the same way.
It?s best to find a smaller one so you don?t need to kneel or stand on a bucket or whatever to fuck her.
Stroke and scratch around the ears 1st to start off getting the bond closer together, and so she knows she can trust you. Let her get used to your smell, and continue to stroke her and gradually moving down the body and towards the end near her ass. Now start stroking her ass cheeks and her thighs, once you have got her relaxed you can start to rub her cunt. You know when she?s excited when she raises her tail or her pussy is winking. Now get hold of both her ankles with your hands and start to lick up and down her uterus lips, and get your tongue inside there and lick out the inside and kiss the lips and the inside of her lips and while finishing the kissing slip your lips off the entire cunt and go back to licking or just some outside kissing. Your can rub your nose, face slowly in her cunt to get more turned on or get used to her smell more. You should try to finger her clit (if you can find it) while your at it aswell. After a while her love juices should start dripping over your face (oooo the feeling is so great)
There?s also a part near where the tail starts to come out of her body which is a stimulating feeling for them, so use your imagination.
For fingering it?s just the same as in my normal sex tips guide, except if she?s in heat her pussy will be really loose and it?s possible to get your whole arm inside there (depending on the size of the horse you chose) to give her maximum pleasure.
Ease one finger in and then 2 and then 3 the more she loosens up; so that she?s ready and loose enough to fuck.
Now if you fence hopped or are sharing your beauty then slip on a condom. Not ribbed though or
your going to get kicked in your balls; and if you?ve been kicked by a horse you know it hurts, so imagine in the balls...exactly!
Now you should be slowly starting to get up to fuck her, so now you should be hard enough, and you should open her lips up with your fingers, or your tongue if you want another taste and then grab round her body or thighs and stick your dick up her cunt. Put her tail over your shoulder so it?s still not in the way (even though it?s raised) and your not getting shit that?s in her tail on yourself. Now your dick is inside her you should let her get used to the feeling and you should get used to the feeling of it inside. Now you should be thrusting like I said in my sex tips guide and thrusting your pelvis into her thighs and ass, so it feels more rough and your getting it up her even further. Now you can either let your juices flow inside her or you can pull out slowly and squirt it in her as for lubrication for you to fuck that later.
Not many animals like butt fucking (besides cows because they have huge loose ass holes) so be gentle with your finger, don?t shove it in all the way, and let her loosen up herself, don?t try to do it or you?ll spoil the mood. Now stick your dick in there and do the same.
You can do many other things such as fuck her up the nose, but I won?t go into detail about that, do some research yourself.
Here?s a totally unnecessary but at the same time it is picture:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/manson1996/gjfhjhj.gif
Fucking cows
There?s not alot I can tell you on this which you COULD apply from the advice on the mare.
You will defintly need something to stand on like a bucket or a box or whatever.
Dairy cows
Extra for cows is they have milk you can drink without worrying about getting any diseases. For the udders you should start licking the tips of them really fast and kiss the tips of them, and start sucking on them and lead off the suck into a kiss
Well that?s all I can be arsed to type in this guide so there you go, have fun
P.S if your too much of a pussy to fuck a corpse then it?s a tiny bit understandable; but if your too pussy to fuck an animal then I suggest getting a sex change as you?d be more suited to a female so you can act like that and not be homo.