AnotherDamnNewbie
10th May 2005, 12:36 AM
Late in 2004, our school was holding an essay contest thing that I didn't quite have the mental agility at the time to get out of doing. In a fit of pique I wrote exactly what I was thinking at the time, in some attempt to "shake things up" or perhaps "stick it to the man." I don't know if I actually shook or stuck anything to anybody, but as things turned out, the essay turned out quite well. Presented for your (dis)approval, An Essay That Will Never Win, by your very own AnotherDamnNewbie:
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AN ESSAY THAT WILL NEVER WIN
Having a dream of what you want to be when you grow up isn?t life. Work hard, study every night, get good grades? That isn?t life. Sitting on your bed alone, realizing that those you once called friends are steadily deserting you isn?t life, and changing yourself to win them back isn?t either. The soft glint of the eyes of your first girlfriend on your first date isn?t life, neither is the plight of the characters on screen (although Hollywood would have you believe otherwise.)
The gnawing pain of an unexpressed love isn?t life, and swallowing a bottle of pills over the matter is neither life, nor particularly healthy. Going to a party with friends who let you know why it was unhealthy, and why it wasn?t necessary isn?t life either, but I highly recommend that anyway. Although 8 out of 10 teens will disagree with my, raiding the liquor cabinet, getting toasted, and throwing up in the kitchen sink isn?t life at all. Getting angry about something you heard Rush Limbaugh say and posting a 12 page critique on the state of conservative talk radio isn?t life, and anyone who says otherwise I?ll hang for a communist spy. Cracking a book isn?t life, listening to music isn?t life. the truth about cats and dogs isn?t life. The movie script that I SWEAR will make me a millionaire someday isn?t life. Staying out late isn?t life, even if you were working. Especially if you were working, and waking up only a few hours later, eyes still fogged with slumber?s sweet embrace isn?t life. The pre-calc homework I still haven?t done isn?t life. Angsty teenagers who complain about life sitting in a corner wearing black and listening to overly loud music aren?t life?but at least I know my place.
No, life is when you spend your entire conscious existence unraveling how the world works, seeing the beauty and horror of what mankind has done to his surroundings, and someone expects you to condense it for them into an easy to read 1 ? page essay for a mandatory school assignment. Somehow, that?s life in a goddamn nutshell, and I would thank you if you would recognize that.
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What can I say? I was feeling bitchy at the time.
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AN ESSAY THAT WILL NEVER WIN
Having a dream of what you want to be when you grow up isn?t life. Work hard, study every night, get good grades? That isn?t life. Sitting on your bed alone, realizing that those you once called friends are steadily deserting you isn?t life, and changing yourself to win them back isn?t either. The soft glint of the eyes of your first girlfriend on your first date isn?t life, neither is the plight of the characters on screen (although Hollywood would have you believe otherwise.)
The gnawing pain of an unexpressed love isn?t life, and swallowing a bottle of pills over the matter is neither life, nor particularly healthy. Going to a party with friends who let you know why it was unhealthy, and why it wasn?t necessary isn?t life either, but I highly recommend that anyway. Although 8 out of 10 teens will disagree with my, raiding the liquor cabinet, getting toasted, and throwing up in the kitchen sink isn?t life at all. Getting angry about something you heard Rush Limbaugh say and posting a 12 page critique on the state of conservative talk radio isn?t life, and anyone who says otherwise I?ll hang for a communist spy. Cracking a book isn?t life, listening to music isn?t life. the truth about cats and dogs isn?t life. The movie script that I SWEAR will make me a millionaire someday isn?t life. Staying out late isn?t life, even if you were working. Especially if you were working, and waking up only a few hours later, eyes still fogged with slumber?s sweet embrace isn?t life. The pre-calc homework I still haven?t done isn?t life. Angsty teenagers who complain about life sitting in a corner wearing black and listening to overly loud music aren?t life?but at least I know my place.
No, life is when you spend your entire conscious existence unraveling how the world works, seeing the beauty and horror of what mankind has done to his surroundings, and someone expects you to condense it for them into an easy to read 1 ? page essay for a mandatory school assignment. Somehow, that?s life in a goddamn nutshell, and I would thank you if you would recognize that.
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What can I say? I was feeling bitchy at the time.