What do you think of this 'rap'?

[INCH06]

Bump and rump a hump.

[S25]

Like some of it though it doesnt seem to flow really well to be honest.

[INCH06]

Bump 3

[stlcru]

i wouldnt quit my day job if i was you

[Scamula]

Well it seems no worse than alot of the stuff that is on the radio nowadays. Nice use of profanity! The only thing is that the lines seem too long and too wordy...condense it and get a memorable hook that flows...

Also try a more unique subject matter...not getting respect and blowing people's heads off has been done by every man, woman and child in the rap game.

Not bad though....that part about the sperm cells was hilarious. You may have a future if u play yours cards right.

[INCH06]

Bump 2.

[S25]

Fuck this shit and all this disrespect.
I aint sittin back lettin fuckers get me upset.
Am a mother fuckin soilder.
Leave y'all in the room to smoulder.
On a mission to hate.
Just itchin to detonate.
Nice i realy like these lines seems ragged yet unique from the view of the wording its not so common.

Am stuck in a rutt rockin this chair.
Thinkin what the fuck, am burnin ma hair.
I put my self down in this hole in the ground.
But none of you haters gonna pound me back down.
I aint allowing it bitches, you better be following.
Hate this,What are you going on about chairs and burnig hair for?This part i think brings it down a bit...

Mr Shell am gonna give you hell with this rap spell.
Say your farewells am comin down ma stairwell.
Better find a motel or a well guarded hotel.
Bullets gonna be comin at u like a billion fuckin sperm cells.
Am in ma car now you better hit that alarm bell.
Am packin more heat than military personnel.
Good but it gets annoying if every line ryhmes with well

Launchin an attack on your ass coz ur shit is WACK!
Split your ball sack in half and slap you with this ryhme.
And i aint friskin this time, am gonna make you whine like a bitch.
You aint ever held a nine let alone shot one bitch so don't come with that shit.
So come on. Hit me back with a little more pitch.
Man when you hating on me I be mating with your girl.[/INCH06]
No this bit i dont like it doesnt run together well

[QUOTE=INCH06]A don't go by the name Reload no more.
Is this guy blind as well as out ryhmed.
Am a rip out his heart and display it as coronary art.
Fuck I aint a drunk no more either, am on a fresh new start.
Perfect rolls together sounds good :)

I just convinced his tart girlfriend to betray him.
Now we're rollin in the hay every other day.
Where'd he think she was all those nights? Writin a mother fuckin essay?
He's clueless, be all the shoe polish he's been huffin.
This dudes screwed and I aint bluffin.

Am rippin holes in the ozone layer with my ryhmes
They're gonna need a million surveryors to renovate this shit..[/I]
I dunno....

Like dont wanna be a prick thats just my oppinion though you have some nice stuff keep it up,And congrats on having the balls to get off the bottle.

[INCH06]

Bump 4

[Stone]

Criticism is the most valuable of advice to an artist and a good artist will always accept criticism. Criticism is what drives an artist to do better.

[INCH06]

Criticism is the most valuable of advice to an artist and a good artist will always accept criticism. Criticism is what drives an artist to do better.

Good point. I agree with what you just said.

[Scamula]

Are you trying to be nice? Lol, cheers for the feedback man.


:.

I was for real....you do have a future if you take our advice.

[INCH06]

Harry?

[Harry]

Whats that mean dude?

How do you think I can improve it?
:swordfigh

[Abrazaderas]

there is

NO

FUCKING

WAY

to determine the quality of a rap just be reading the words. it is more a matter of delivery then choice of words, because a good rapper could use inflection, accent and rhythm to make an obituary ad flow better then your rhyming stuff. if you can't spit, you ain't got shit. so record it and then come back to us.


and it doesn't seem promising judging by the lyrics. you don't bring anything to the table content-wise that everyone ain't already had third helpings of. and it's not clever in it's arrangement. what you're saying isn't really coherent, it's just lines of 'i'm a rapper, see how i rap" rap. it seems sort of childish and tryhard. but like i said, even with that being the case, a good delivery could still save it.

[Saturday]

I think the problem is that you are trying to sound like a rapper, instead of just rapping.

Also, your content jumps from line to line and everything seems to be just an overly aggressive assertion that is clearly not true. Rapping isn't about being tough, it's about authenticity. The only reason most rapping is about dealing, partying and drugs is because that is the culture it was born from.

I do not agree with Abra, in that I don't believe that a good delivery could save these lyrics. I personally believe that too many of the creative arts are overrun by people who think they can just jump in without any experience or knowledge just because fruitcakes like Justin Bieber and Souja Boy are able to make it.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I sense you are probably in your mid to late teens and this is not the time in history to be flaundering effort on trivial things that aren't exactly inate to your skill-set.

Way too many people are trying to be in a band, or be a singer, or be a rapper, or a dancer, or an actor or actress and these are all professions that should diminished greatly, because TV and the internet have got everyone believing that they are gonna be the next big thing, and they're not.

[iceniner]

to determine the quality of a rap just be reading the words
Well, except for the fact that 100% of rap is degenerate gutter doggerel. The fact that it's rap tells me all I need to know about the quality or lack thereof.

[Abrazaderas]

Well, except for the fact that 100% of rap is degenerate gutter doggerel. The fact that it's rap tells me all I need to know about the quality or lack thereof.

rap, especially improvised rap, is the highest form of metric linguistic art in existence. if you understand poetry, you understand why rap is a superior art form, in the same way a sonata is a superior art form to a rondo.

your lack of appreciation for something strikingly beautiful and delicately complex in it's form, and also very difficult to create and perform properly, makes you "vulgar without being charming". especially since it's almost certainly the subject material frequently associated with it that causes your disapproval. this displays a lack of the ability of comparison known to stroll arm in arm with a lack of nobility.

i'd suggest you not comment on art if what you say is going to be nothing more then a disparagement of a form and outlet for creativity that is complex and can be subtle and graceful in its application. edgar allen poe's poetry, which is considered by some including myself as the most excellently composed of all poetry, is rap. yes it is. if you don't believe that you don't know the first thing about meter and rhythm. and you haven't read his essay on Variation and the Poetic Spirit. do you hate all forms of beauty, or merely those that don't aggrandize your ego and narrow slice of the spectrum of life in which you have chosen to be comfortable?

[iceniner]

Pseudointellectual screed. You're defending this garbage, and calling me vulgar at the same time? That's fine humor coming from someone who vociferously defended child molestation. Your opinion is itself degenerate in the extreme.

[Saturday]

Frankly, I think you are both wrong. Rap is not the highest art form, nor is it garbage, because, like almost all art forms there are elements that achieve the best in art, while there are other elements that are plainly trash.

So before you guys get on another one of your pontificating detours, remember that it is also mainly a matter of taste.

[iceniner]

Actually there are absolutes in this world. For instance, the taste of sushi is superior to that of feces.

> like almost all art forms there are elements that achieve the best in art

Really? It compares to Mozart? Rap jabberers from Compton are the equals of Yo Yo Ma?

The answer is no, they are not, and they will not be no matter how many times the media claims they are. This is a simple, stark fact and as such is not up for debate.

[Abrazaderas]

hee hee hee.

Actually there are absolutes in this world. For instance, the taste of sushi is superior to that of feces.

some people like the taste of feces far more then sushi. and in any case taste is an impression, nothing more nothing less, in every instance that it occurs it is as absolute as anything that we perceive. so, what IS absolute? certainly not taste. what then?

Rap is not the highest art form,

didn't say it was, said it was the highest metrical linguistic art form, meaning, the highest art form which encompasses language and rhythm. it surpasses poetry because it has more possibilities, and yet the difference between a good rap and a bad rap is much more subtle and hard to place then the difference between a good poem and a bad poem; perhaps it is because it is in its youth in this culture. poetry can be written almost mechanically and be halfway decent nowadays, and it is only subjectives and content that can differentiate great poetry from decent poetry. whereareas rap has a long ways to go before it arrives at its decadence as a discipline.

Rap jabberers from Compton are the equals of Yo Yo Ma

yeah, and i think that hollister jackets are far superior to toyota cars... come on now. you can't really compare a instrumentalist to a vocalist/poet. but as far as the percentile of the best, yeah, eminem is in his own way as good of an artist as yo yo ma. and there are plenty of hip-hop producers that are far superior composers to yo yo ma, his stuff is really bland and is frankly just repetition from past styles. akon or static major could out-harmonize yo yo ma, voice for voice, going head on with pencil and score. if you know music theory, and you really listen, that much is obvious.

i think you're frail-minded!

but really. i don't think you're really the kind of person that should worry much about art. listen to what pleases you, but you're better off assuming others know better then you about the artsy fartsy stuff us limp wristed hippy types concern ourselves with. i really admire the way you stick to your guns though and declare with an iron fist upon the dinner table that you are RIGHT! and there is no fucking room for no pussy ass debate shit! words like simple and stark describing your army of facts make for one hell of a motherfucking assertation! god damned truth and no denying it!

do you ever wonder if there are things that you are completely ass backwards wrong about, that you really have no idea that you are? like, that perhaps, you think you understand something, but maybe there's something you didn't think about or missed or looked over and you're totally wrong? do you ever have that feeling? or do you ever listen to someone that vehemently thinks something totally opposite to you, and get a weird little twist in your gut for a reason you can't really place, maybe the thought that everyone thinks that they are right and that must not be true except in very rare instance, and every single person is given to the idea that THEY are the exception to the rule, including you, and yet almost no one ever is, making it likely that you are wrong about some things about which you think you are right, and there is no reason to assume that these things which you are surely wrong about, since it'd be totally illogical to assume you're right about everything, aren't distributed equally across the spectrum of importance? meaning, it's equally likely that the very axioms of your thought are flawed as is your opinion on something as pointless as ballpoint pens.

does that thought ever scare you? i doubt it. lucky jerk. invincible self confidence must be nice, whatever other people think about you, cause you don't care and they're all idiots anyways to you. you're probably good with women, and i do mean that seriously, they probably find it sexy as all hell.

[iceniner]

There are also shades of grey in the world. At either end of a scale of grey, there are absolutes. The closer something gets to one end or other of the spectrum, the more correct absolute statements become.

[Abrazaderas]

There are also shades of grey in the world. At either end of a scale of grey, there are absolutes. The closer something gets to one end or other of the spectrum, the more correct absolute statements become.

that's true, for example, "when released, an apple falls" is so close to absolute as to make no difference. but i'm simply not sure that absolutes extend very far past the realm of physics; most of the things which concern us, especially in discussion such as this, are ideas - very wispy, ephemeral things.

it's hard to even pin down exactly what a person is trying to express with their ideas, which is why i think that the only proper mode of argumentation is for two people to try and find common ground, and then from there try to find where their logical process diverges, and then find out further why it does so. this is a arduous task, however, and only very rarely do i find people willing to participate, even online where one can craft their reply as long as they want. two people that think they are disagreeing may even simply be unable to get the semiotics of their speech to connect, when internally, they are both thinking of the exact same idea. words are only slightly more precise then music for conveying anything more then schematics and instructions, honestly.

obviously, this is not the case when party A states that rap is monkey jabber doggeral rubbish and party B states that it is an exquisitely beautiful and powerful form of expression when done properly. but much more then the squabbling of birds CAW CAW CAWK A HAAAA!, the reasons behind the beliefs interest me. and the reasons behind those beliefs. how you came to be party A and i came to be party B. it fascinates me how true both positions are for either of us; listening to a Dre song a moment ago i tried imagining it sounding like utter, insensate bullshit from a dick dragging knucklenigger, and i got a sense of vertigo because i know that you really find it so and it fucks my mind trying to see it the same way. try doing the same thing i did, listen to a Dr. Dre song and try to imagine it as AWESOME.

[iceniner]

Relativism. Why not start a topic stating your support of pedophiles again so that I can ignore you there?

What I hear when I hear Dr. Dre is a jabbering ape advocating drug and alcohol use and criminal activity to some of the most disadvantaged and vulnerable people in society. It's just as shocking to me that you think it's art of some kind, but then, as I said, you showed long ago that what passes for your moral compass has been bashed with a sledgehammer.

All this is what I refer to when I talk about degeneracy.

[Abrazaderas]

i understand very clearly the reasons for one goes to heaven, and the ones for which one goes to hell, iceniner. i know them very well.

i also know the reasons for one which choose one or the other. most people do not choose and sort of live in a lukewarm zone. it's a very broad dichotomy, but it boils down to whether one believes that existence is joy or sorrow. existence being hell. heaven being all that which is perfect, where all that is not music is silence. some people at the very root of their being enjoy the pain of existence. some people do not and wish for heaven.

anyways, music is music. reflexive property. one makes it sound nice or follows the rules or breaks them and gets a result. the more interesting the way you do it the better it is. some artists are 'good' people and some artists are 'bad'. the lyrical content would reflect that. are you listening to get the know the guy, or are you listening to music? judge it as music. judge it as though it were in another language that you did not understand. hate him for not being such a fairy-angle as yourself. that's not fair, angels can be absolute monsters. they so often are, or at least ruthless and brutal. a different kind then the other side exhibit. in the same way that music moves from consonance to dissonance and culture moves from restrictive times with church music that breaks no rules and non-restrictive times with rock and roll that breaks all the rules. there is more chaos and pain (crime, degeneracy, etcetera) in the times in which it is non-restrictive. however, the restrictive times often result in pain in the form of chastisement (war, government executing people, political prisoners)

this is the key point where you and i differ. i argue that it is NOT as simple as the two phases being negative and positive. they are simply points at which certain people thrive. some people need stimulation, pain, threat, want, to come alive and feel happy until the day they die. and it feels good. some people want peace and quiet and everything to run smoothly as their amusement until the day they die.. some people want to do neither, seeing as both completely and utterly pointless, and shop at the supermarket of conflicting and pointless beliefs for their amusements until they die. most people hover around quite unintentionally. any of it can be pretty fun if you do it right. i don't believe there is anything truly and honestly altruistic in ones desire to not torture and rape children. i am personally appalled and disgusted by senseless or coldblooded cruelty and torture. i think its awful. so i don't do it. that is honesty. if i honestly wanted to, i would. but feeling as i feel to this, i would not believe i really wanted to unless the consequences were okay with me, if for some reason i wanted to go to prison and be tortured to death myself. if i really felt like that, 100%, i would do it, with the same honesty. as it is, the idea of doing it brings up very bad feelings. of course i won't do it. it brings up the same feelings in you. that's also why you won't do it.

you believe that you actually thought through this and found reasons why you feel this way. it's the other way around. the funny thing is, if you believe in old system of physics, the universe is perfectly predictable. there is truth. but, there is no free will. no element of choice in any thing whatsoever. in the the ideas of quanta and their values and properties and how as far as we can tell they aren't really any where at one time, they're all pretty much relative things. but now, if this theory of physics is true, we may very well could argue that one has responsibility for his actions, and truth is not, "do what you really must do to be happy" and is instead, "you are responsible for your actions, and to commit crime out of free will is completely unacceptable".

so in the understanding of the universe in the indeterminable, probabilistic thing, the commonly accepted one at this time, you can say exactly what you say. but in the the one that allows for absolute truth, one must not be hated for what they do for one can only do as he does. it is pathetic to be dishonest about who and what you are as the only really indefeasible right is to be what you are. reflexive property. you'll get the most out of life this way. really juice it. but even dishonest, frightened beaten people are only that way because of how environment acted on genetics. so the only real beacon is a genuine distaste for cruelty and suffering and sorrow.

i don't think you really make the choice to be good and to think good things and do good things and not do evil things. i don't think you believe there is a choice. i do. i believe that it is completely OK to cut a 9 year old girls head off and fuck her jugular. i make the CHOICE not to. nothing is true, for me, everything is permitted, but i still do not hurt people. can you see why i feel this is loftier then your adamant position that one is responsible for their actions? because one pretty much has to do what they have to do, and they're going to do it, and i don't think anyone is exempt. i don't believe in magic, so i believe in an absolute mechanical reality with unbending laws to which we are all merely organic clockwork to which we are all slaves. Do thou wilt is the whole of the law; love is the law, love under will, is a perfect expression of my viewpoint, which is contradictory to yours

and in any case music should not be condemned morally, some of the greatest classics in every art form have been considered obscene.

i'd be more interested in seeing why you think it's better to believe in absolute truth and free will and the quantum theory then the older newtonian/greek physics where we are all merely stars following our prescribed orbit in the cosmos, and everything is just as it should be, and it's useless to be what you are not, as it will make you unhappy. no choice in the matter at all. no point or meaning beyond our urges and desires.