An Essay That Will Never Win

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

I considered making the topic of this thread "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I FINALLY GOT IT ONLINE!!!" but decided that wouldn't quite catch the attention in the way I want it to.

Alright, so let me bring you all up to speed: Ever since I was 13 I knew deep down inside that I wanted to make movies for a living. I've been working my ass off ever since then to make my dream a reality. Flash forward a few years, and I'm a much taller, much more jaded young man who resents having to do stupid shit for school when everyone knows damn well there's nothing I can learn in the next few months that the public school system hasn't already miserably failed to teach me. One evening at a local coffeehouse, on a dare I read a particularly bitchy essay that I was forced to write for a mandatory contest I was forced to participate in. And everyone loved it. The essay itself got 2nd place in the school, and for the next week I had people jumping out of hidden corners at me, telling me how much I kicked ass in every way. I had a friend tape the whole performance...

It didn't take me long to put 2 and 2 together.

I finished working on it a few months ago, but I didn't know a a way to put it onto an easily accessible media so everyone could see it. Until Dizzie in PPM told me a great place to get free video webhosting. Now I can torture people all over the world by forcing them to sit through my movies!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

*ahem*

Just a few points:

1) Don't be afraid to tell me it fucking sucks (in a constructive way of course). Criticism is how people find their weaknesses and improve on them. You do me no favors by sparing my feelings.

2) I do technically put my name on this thing. I'm trusting you guys not to be psycho killers and track me down or anything like that.

3) The movie opens with the longest, most elaborate production logo EVER. Just go with it and use the time to... I dunno... pack a bowl or something. (j/k) (not really)

4) Yes, I'm a skinny nerd. I know this. You are not a genius for pointing it out.

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And so, without further ado, I present to you the premiere film of WeirdPier mod and Rortian extraordinaire AnotherDamnNewbie....

An Essay That Will Never Win (www.archive.org/download/JosephDuffyAnEssayThatWillNeverWin_0/Essay.mp4)

A Payback Production.

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties with the internet at the moment...

On a related note, does anyone have some webspace they're willing to part with?

[Stone]

My opinion: The essay was brilliant, the build-up was really interesting but kinda too long. The opening scene, way too long. You really are a talented public speaker also.

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

Oh good, at least it worked for someone!

What I've noticed so far in people's reactions to certain elements that I purposely put in the movie (the long winding opening scene, or playing music throughout the whole film) is that they either love it, or hate it. Some have said exactly what you said, that some bits just dragged, and others have said it builds suspense. In scripts I'm writing now, I'm trying to strike a bit of a better balance between having fun writing every new scene and getting to the point. I don't know when/if I'll get the chance to shoot it though.

[DoctaD]

Impressive, although the intro is definitely way too drawn out...

[C.R. Ripshit]

That video was pretty awesome. I have a new profound respect for you ADN.

[Mr. Pink]

Whatever you end up doing in your life, give 'em hell.

[KaRMa]

My opinion: The essay was brilliant, the build-up was really interesting but kinda too long. The opening scene, way too long. You really are a talented public speaker also.

ditto

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

Thanks for all the input guys. I was thinking about having the needlessly-long-opening-logo-short-film-dealie become kinda my signature for each major project I do partly becuase it's a unique stamp on a piece, and also because to be honest they're a BLAST to make. At the moment I'm 50/50 on putting it in something I do in the future, although if I do you can bet your ass it'll have a bit more action than something in B&W slow motion. It was designed as more an inside joke/class-time waster anyway.

I have a few more pieces that I plan on uploading when I feel motivated to do that. Nothing particularly spectacular. Just a couple fun things that make me laugh when I see them.

[Heavy_'TalMeMan]

That was brilliant. You speak very well. Good humor. However the first few minutes after the intro seemed a bit pointless.

Are you still here, AnotherDamnNewbie? I'd love to see anything else you might have made. :laugh:

[DoctaD]

ADN hasnt posted here for some time. Like many others, it's quite possible he'll pop back in from time to time.

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

Woah, TRIPPY! Had no idea this was still up!

Christ it seems like forever ago that I made this. Yeah, between college, transferring to a better college, working my ass off, and registering for the Somethingawful forums, I kinda fell out of the habit of posting 'round here. Nice to see the old board kicking around!

About the intro: This project was conceived and developed in an environment of complete boredom. I had a short film I made earlier in tech school that was just sitting around collecting dust, and decided to make it the logo to the film. Because shit, why NOT have a five minute long logo?

I've been going to film school in the time of my absence, so yeah, I got a bunch of other shit too. This is still one of my favorites though, for nostalgia if not technical appeal. :)

[C'tair]

Dude, nice video for someone with limited equipment and all. Like most people here said, the intro seems too long, but the rest is pretty much ok. And the music is also ok, helps to create a nice feeling of the film.

[Franuardo]

I'm only 2 minutes in but may I request you use a tripod for you next project?
It's a little demon of mine. I hate still shots that have that have waver on the edges. It's the easiest way of making low budget work look so much better.

I plan on watching the whole thing. In case, you know, that you cared about RandomSN131435's opinion on your film.

[Franuardo]

I don't think most people past highschool, outside the "Alternative" category would really enjoy it, but I did.

Techinically, not the best. plz, again, tripod. If you're able to get two cams, a long monologue that should't stop midway (ie your movie) would look much better with cuts. The sound could have been better if you ran the two mics (1 you and 2 crowd) straight into the camera and also to the speakers. That way, the film sound would have been better and nothing would have changed for the crowd.

Not being a dick, but technical stuff can seriously get your work looked at on a more "professional" level. Half the movies that come out these days have shit on your message but damn they look pretty, eh?

All in all, that perfectly fit the mood I was in. Thankee, sai. I enjoyed myself, even if I just watched it cuz I was waiting for my friends to call. Keep it up.

[AnotherDamnNewbie]

Yeah, there were a bunch of basics that I wanted for the project (tripods, exterior microphones, cameras that weren't found in a box of crackerjacks) that I just couldn't get in time for the performance, so I did my best.

My work has come a long way in the years since this was made. It's fun to come back and watch every so often, but to say it's rough around the edges is definite understatement.