How to Go on a Free Date

DIzzIE · 11th August 2006, 05:09 AM

Just stumbled onto this little text I wrote up a couple years ago under the title ?Happy (free) Valentine?s Day?. It serves as an example of how to put various well-known freebies/scams together, in this case so as to wrangle a free date. I don?t think it was archived anywhere, so here it is again ;)

How to Go on a Free Date
By: DIzzIE [c]opyleft 2004/06

So you?ve got an empty wallet with a hot date being just around the corner and you?re worried that your usual schemes won?t rub off the right way on your significant other? After all, rushing him in through the back door amidst a crowd of exiting moviegoers to avoid the $8.50 ticket price may indeed seem cheap, and holding her hair back as she spits up the alka-seltzer mixed in with the cr?me brule to get out of paying the $200 bill at the city?s most posh restaurant isn?t the most romantic of ways to spend an evening. Worry not fair courtier, for here?s a walkthrough on how to have an entirely free evening with style.

First off, we need to take care of transportation. A few days in advance, pay a visit to a few prominent car dealerships and ask about their test drive programs. The good news is that not only do numerous dealerships now offer 24-hour test drives, many also give away promotional gifts like DVDs as ?thank yous? for the taking their product for a spin. The bad news is that the dealer may insist on running a credit check or/and ask you to leave your current car at the lot.

Next, let?s take care of the conventional chocolate and candy. Last month having written a letter to your chocolate manufacturer of choice (Godiva, See?s, and so forth), describing your great distaste with their product, and including a UPC code that you took off a box at the store or created yourself using barcode software and the fitting paper stock, you should now have either a coupon or a check for the value of the candy, or even an actual replacement box shipped to you.

As for the flowers, drive by a cemetery and pick out a particularly appealing array.

A couple days before the big day, call up your selected fine dining establishment and explain that you are the Food & Arts reviewer for a local community paper or a startup magazine and have been assigned to do a review of said restaurant (depending on the particular restaurant?s policy you may or may not have to explain that you are coauthoring the article, so as to explain the presence of your associate). Set a date and a time ballpark for when you?ll be coming, give your name, and when you show up at the restaurant simply drop your name. You may want to create business cards matching your supposed position.

Following the meal, when you?re going to the theater use the same technique as for the restaurant, with ?food & arts? being replaced with ?entertainment?.

And as for later in the night, well we all know that free contraceptives are available from a local health center. Of course, various companies would gladly send you a sample if you write to them requesting one; some, such as Trojan, have a convenient online request form: www.trojancondoms.com/freestuff/product/main.asp

Have fun! ;)

Scamula · 12th August 2006, 05:13 AM

This is hilarious. I plan to actually use that one about the "food and arts reviewer for the local paper".

DIzzIE · 14th February 2007, 08:53 AM

Seeing as how it's that time of the year again, thought I'd bump this up :).

Clit Crusader · 14th February 2007, 07:04 PM

The funny thing about the food critic scam is it doesn't work.... The whole thing about being a food critic is not letting the people know who you are... food critics are reimbursed by the paper they work for and restaurants know this. Last week some guy tried this scam at the restaurant where I work and the managers were well aware of this scam then they told me that it gets tried at least twice a month and even showed me two newspaper articles one from an actual critic that ate at the restaurant as well as another about the food critic scam.

odin_dax · 15th February 2007, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clit Crusader

The funny thing about the food critic scam is it doesn't work.... The whole thing about being a food critic is not letting the people know who you are... food critics are reimbursed by the paper they work for and restaurants know this. Last week some guy tried this scam at the restaurant where I work and the managers were well aware of this scam then they told me that it gets tried at least twice a month and even showed me two newspaper articles one from an actual critic that ate at the restaurant as well as another about the food critic scam.

Some things you just gotta pay for. ;-)

11th August 2006, 05:09 AM	#1
DIzzIE noli me tangere Join Date: May 2005 Location: 1-610-887-6072 Posts: 319	How to Go on a Free Date Just stumbled onto this little text I wrote up a couple years ago under the title ?Happy (free) Valentine?s Day?. It serves as an example of how to put various well-known freebies/scams together, in this case so as to wrangle a free date. I don?t think it was archived anywhere, so here it is again ;) How to Go on a Free Date By: DIzzIE [c]opyleft 2004/06 So you?ve got an empty wallet with a hot date being just around the corner and you?re worried that your usual schemes won?t rub off the right way on your significant other? After all, rushing him in through the back door amidst a crowd of exiting moviegoers to avoid the $8.50 ticket price may indeed seem cheap, and holding her hair back as she spits up the alka-seltzer mixed in with the cr?me brule to get out of paying the $200 bill at the city?s most posh restaurant isn?t the most romantic of ways to spend an evening. Worry not fair courtier, for here?s a walkthrough on how to have an entirely free evening with style. First off, we need to take care of transportation. A few days in advance, pay a visit to a few prominent car dealerships and ask about their test drive programs. The good news is that not only do numerous dealerships now offer 24-hour test drives, many also give away promotional gifts like DVDs as ?thank yous? for the taking their product for a spin. The bad news is that the dealer may insist on running a credit check or/and ask you to leave your current car at the lot. Next, let?s take care of the conventional chocolate and candy. Last month having written a letter to your chocolate manufacturer of choice (Godiva, See?s, and so forth), describing your great distaste with their product, and including a UPC code that you took off a box at the store or created yourself using barcode software and the fitting paper stock, you should now have either a coupon or a check for the value of the candy, or even an actual replacement box shipped to you. As for the flowers, drive by a cemetery and pick out a particularly appealing array. A couple days before the big day, call up your selected fine dining establishment and explain that you are the Food & Arts reviewer for a local community paper or a startup magazine and have been assigned to do a review of said restaurant (depending on the particular restaurant?s policy you may or may not have to explain that you are coauthoring the article, so as to explain the presence of your associate). Set a date and a time ballpark for when you?ll be coming, give your name, and when you show up at the restaurant simply drop your name. You may want to create business cards matching your supposed position. Following the meal, when you?re going to the theater use the same technique as for the restaurant, with ?food & arts? being replaced with ?entertainment?. And as for later in the night, well we all know that free contraceptives are available from a local health center. Of course, various companies would gladly send you a sample if you write to them requesting one; some, such as Trojan, have a convenient online request form: www.trojancondoms.com/freestuff/product/main.asp Have fun! ;) __________________ Under the pleasant norms of Parisian life, beneath the veneer of culture and civilisation, one of the bitterest and most sadistic underground wars of modern history was fought out.

12th August 2006, 05:13 AM	#2
Scamula Tad's All Folks Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: USA Posts: 255	This is hilarious. I plan to actually use that one about the "food and arts reviewer for the local paper". __________________ "The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time." ~Willem de Kooning

14th February 2007, 08:53 AM	#3
DIzzIE noli me tangere Join Date: May 2005 Location: 1-610-887-6072 Posts: 319	Seeing as how it's that time of the year again, thought I'd bump this up :). __________________ Under the pleasant norms of Parisian life, beneath the veneer of culture and civilisation, one of the bitterest and most sadistic underground wars of modern history was fought out.

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14th February 2007, 07:04 PM	#4
Clit Crusader licker of twat Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: 813, Tampa Posts: 36	The funny thing about the food critic scam is it doesn't work.... The whole thing about being a food critic is not letting the people know who you are... food critics are reimbursed by the paper they work for and restaurants know this. Last week some guy tried this scam at the restaurant where I work and the managers were well aware of this scam then they told me that it gets tried at least twice a month and even showed me two newspaper articles one from an actual critic that ate at the restaurant as well as another about the food critic scam.

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